What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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