we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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