And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
