I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
