i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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