the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
