i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
