I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Mom said you looked used
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
