i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
