I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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