I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
