My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
