I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am midnight drunk by noon
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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