he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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