Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
