Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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