you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
