Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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