I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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