We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My feet surprised me
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