I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
