By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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