Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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