i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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