Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize