Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
