There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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