i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
pop tarts are not kleenex
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
