the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
