I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
