SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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