So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
