the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
