Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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