It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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