Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
