We named our party play list daddy issues
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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