I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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