so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
