she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
