so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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