I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
