She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
