if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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