he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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