Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize