flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
