what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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