she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize