I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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