11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
