he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
