it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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