This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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