i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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