I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
