oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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