there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
