dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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