Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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