i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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