it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
