; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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