My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
