I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
