Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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