i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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