WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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