apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
