I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
