My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
